Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Lions in Autumn

Home is where the heart is.

That is what they say. What happens when you don't know where your heart is anymore? What happens when Home just doesn't feel like "Home"? There is warmth, there is goodness, and all manner of blessings, yet something is missing.

Once, home was a part of me. Something that made me whole and right. Now, I just don't feel that anymore. Its not the distance, nor the people there. On the contrary, I love my family and they are the greatests gifts given to me by God.

Its just not home.

I remember an old show on Animal Planet I saw some time ago, where they followed a pride of lions on a Kenya game reserve. These lions, who's life, strangely resemebled our own. Had every moment of their existance filmed for the period of two years. During the second year, something happened that stuck with me for some odd reason, and know I think I know why. There were two young male lions, who had reached the point in their lives where their manes were full and their size large. The Alpha of the Pride, began to fight with them, forcing them from the pride. Basicly, sending them out to find their own way in the world. The two young males, however did not fight back. They kind of just went. As if they some how knew it was time for them to go.

My father has never kicked me out or anything, he actually wants me to stay at home. Weird.

I digress.

I have not really discussed this with anyone, but somehow, I just feel like those young lions. Something inside me tells me that it is time to go. It is time to make a new "home' where ever that may be.

I have traveled half the world. Seen sights that most people dream of seeing. I wander, but I am not lost. I know I will find what ever it is I am looking for.

These mountains, this land. It is not home, nor will it ever be, but it is home for now. Texas, doesnt feel like home anymore. I dont know where it is. I know I am here. Here is home. Here in me.