Thursday, March 10, 2005

Full Body Massage

Okie Dokie.

The US Army has seen to it that soldiers have Full Body Massages availible to them during this war on terror. Though you may think I am being sarcastic, you are sorely mistaken. It is my firm belief that access to the full body massage has in itself single handedly provided the much needed support to help us go out and fight this war on terror.

My story beings as thus. I entered the beauty salon in Bagram Air Base, and hour after lunch. Lunch that day had a bit of a latin theme to it. So I opted for the fajitas and refried beans. Little did I know how this would later impact my relaxation period with the massuse Nadia.

First, I am seated on a bench where I remove my boots and slip into some grimey ass sandals that the lady sprays promptly with Lysol disinfectant. This does not sway me. I am going to get my first full body massage and nothing can bring me down. Nothing except....the slight rumbling in my belly.

I place my hand on my stomach and suddenly realize that I might have a slight gas build up as a result of my lunch selection.

"Follow me sir." The desk attendant says as she escorts me to my massage table. The table itself is surrounded by curtains, much like you would find in a hospital. Too add some privacy to the situation. I remove my shirt and wait there for the massuse to arrive. I twidle my thumbs for a moment or two before Nadia arrives. Nadia is obviously Asian by heritage, but speaks with a thick russian accent. This throws me for a loop. Thats like a mexican talking with a British accent, its just not natural. Anyhow. Nadia smiles at me and in her oh so perfect broken English says.

"Full Body, sir." Then points to my pants.

*Blush*

I only paid 16 dollars. I didnt realized this was going to happen. So I promptly remove my DCU pants. Luckily I had showered that morning and put on a fresh pair of polo boxers. Normally we have to wear the doo doo brown briefs. Those things are vile. Yet, no one really checks that part of your uniform so its left to the individual soldiers discression.

So now, clad only in my polo's I follow her instruction and lay down on the table. Almost instantly she throws some lube on my back. Im not sure what it was, but it was cold as hell.

Then she starts massaging my back. This is a good thing. It was very relaxing and despite her diminutive size she had a vice like grip with her hands. She spends about 15 mintues on my back and I am feeling really good. Then she grabs my boxers! *Gasp* She rolls the top part down and starts to massage my lower back and tail bone area. This should have felt great, but the only thing that was crossing my mind was if I had wiped my ass good when I last took a dump.

Im sure the last thing this girl wants to see is some dirty mexican dingleberries hanging out while she is working. Luckily, she didnt reek back in horror or faint, so I knew I as okay for now.

Then one of her co-workers walks in. Another female, not a stunner, but easy on the eyes. They begin speaking in Russian. I have no idea what they are talking about but out of the corner of my eye I can see the new girl taking glances at me. Awkward.

Are they talking about me? Do I have dingleberries? Does she think I'm hot? So many questions! Damn your communist language!

So she leaves and the massuse continues her work. The does my legs and arms for a bit. Then resquests me to roll over. Do only to my sheer force of will and complete state of bliss, there were no awkward moments or protrusions.

Then my stomach grumbles. Oh man! I forgot about my gas. Immediately the girl starts to rub my chest and then goes lower toward my stomach. Right now my butt cheeks are water tight. I am so scared I am going to fart and kill this poor girl. She continues to rub my stomach. This way and that. Side to side. Front and Back. I make a weird face and she asks?

"Is okay yes?"

"Sure everything is fine." I reply through clenched teeth.

I could blow at any second. If I do, the entire beauty salon will be forced to empty out. People could faint. The entire security of the base relies on my ability to keep the gigantic fart brewing inside me quite till she moves on.

And in an instant. She moves down to my legs. I breath a sigh of relief as the threat has passed. She will live to see another day, never knowing how close she came to disaster. It was like the Cuban missile crisis.

So an hour passes and she completes her job. I am relaxed and a bit on the oily side.

I kindly thank her, clothe myself, and make a hasty exit of the establishment. Turning quickly into an alley to unleash the fury welling up within me.

My name is Xavier, and I defend freedom :p

15 Comments:

At 10:34 AM, Blogger CaliValleyGirl said...

Lol...LMAO...that is really funny. Your writing reminds me a little of Sminklemeyer's...here's one of his more humorous posts:
http://desert-smink.blogspot.com/2004/12/care-packages.html

 
At 7:47 AM, Blogger Army Wife said...

very funny

 
At 9:16 PM, Blogger Jack Naka said...

Keep it up. I enjoy your nice blog. check out my health beauty consultant site. It pretty much covers health beauty consultant related stuff.

 
At 5:14 PM, Blogger dompia said...

Wow, I really like this one. I have a website that talks mostly about beauty nassau store supply. You should check it out sometime.

 
At 3:26 PM, Blogger dompia said...

Wow, I really like this one. I have a website that talks mostly about beauty product sally supply. You should check it out sometime.

 
At 4:09 PM, Blogger dompia said...

Wow, I really like this one. I have a website that talks mostly about naked beauty. You should check it out sometime.

 
At 12:28 AM, Blogger Tech Blogger said...

Hi,
I came past your site while I was searching through Blogger, it is not really the information I was after about Medical Information but I did stay to read your blog and found it interesting and well done, I do like what you have done with your site. Keep up the good work and hopefully I will visit again sometime and also find the information on Medical Information that I was looking for in my travels.
Regards,

 
At 1:13 PM, Blogger Stan said...

Welcome to the "Massage Article" Site. On this site we address many topics about prostate massage that will
help you learn about the different types of massages and how they effect your body.Welcome to the "Massage" Site. On this site we address many topics that will
help you learn about the different types of massages and how they effect your body. http://yourebooksuperstore.com/massage

 
At 6:23 AM, Blogger Stan said...

Welcome to the "Massage Article" Site. On this site we address many topics about erotic massage that will
help you learn about the different types of massages and how they effect your body.Welcome to the "Massage" Site. On this site we address many topics that will
help you learn about the different types of massages and how they effect your body. http://yourebooksuperstore.com/massage

 
At 3:23 PM, Blogger milf said...

black mold exposureblack mold symptoms of exposurewrought iron garden gatesiron garden gates find them herefine thin hair hairstylessearch hair styles for fine thin hairnight vision binocularsbuy night vision binocularslipitor reactionslipitor allergic reactionsluxury beach resort in the philippines

afordable beach resorts in the philippineshomeopathy for eczema.baby eczema.save big with great mineral makeup bargainsmineral makeup wholesalersprodam iphone Apple prodam iphone prahacect iphone manualmanual for P 168 iphonefero 52 binocularsnight vision Fero 52 binocularsThe best night vision binoculars here

night vision binoculars bargainsfree photo albums computer programsfree software to make photo albumsfree tax formsprintable tax forms for free craftmatic air bedcraftmatic air bed adjustable info hereboyd air bedboyd night air bed lowest pricefind air beds in wisconsinbest air beds in wisconsincloud air beds

best cloud inflatable air bedssealy air beds portableportables air bedsrv luggage racksaluminum made rv luggage racksair bed raisedbest form raised air bedsaircraft support equipmentsbest support equipments for aircraftsbed air informercialsbest informercials bed airmattress sized air beds

bestair bed mattress antique doorknobsantique doorknob identification tipsdvd player troubleshootingtroubleshooting with the dvd playerflat panel television lcd vs plasmaflat panel lcd television versus plasma pic the bestThe causes of economic recessionwhat are the causes of economic recessionadjustable bed air foam The best bed air foam

hoof prints antique equestrian printsantique hoof prints equestrian printsBuy air bedadjustablebuy the best adjustable air bedsair beds canadian storesCanadian stores for air beds

migraine causemigraine treatments floridaflorida headache clinicdrying dessicantair drying dessicantdessicant air dryerpediatric asthmaasthma specialistasthma children specialistcarpet cleaning dallas txcarpet cleaners dallascarpet cleaning dallas

vero beach vacationvero beach vacationsbeach vacation homes veroms beach vacationsms beach vacationms beach condosmaui beach vacationmaui beach vacationsmaui beach clubbeach vacationsyour beach vacationscheap beach vacations

bob hairstylebob haircutsbob layeredpob hairstylebobbedclassic bobCare for Curly HairTips for Curly Haircurly hair12r 22.5 best pricetires truck bustires 12r 22.5

washington new housenew house houstonnew house san antonionew house venturanew houston house houston house txstains removal dyestains removal clothesstains removalteeth whiteningteeth whiteningbright teeth

 
At 12:16 PM, Blogger Payal Rastogi said...

nice your shared post

 
At 12:21 PM, Blogger Payal Rastogi said...

Really interesting your submitted story.
Have a nice day sir, really your shared blog on your selected topic, have valuable information, i am Payal Rastogi from Pune India offer social and truth relationship fact in Pune hub center, from here we cover most excellent city of India and other state country. Carry on for such believable moment on truth fact. Check my status on:
Pune Feminine in branded.
Garima kapoor in VIP term.
Mumbai Sexy Model.
Noida Escorts Engineering.
Miss Foxy in Singapore

 
At 10:04 AM, Blogger Aahna Desai said...

Bangalore Escorts
Escorts in Bangalore
Escorts Service in Bangalore
Bangalore Escorts Services
Bangalore Escorts Services
Bangalore Escorts Agency

 
At 5:44 PM, Blogger ronika singh said...

Mumbai Call Girls
Mumbai Call Girls
Mumbai Call Girls

 
At 8:58 AM, Blogger Mahi Sehgal said...


Hyderabad Escorts
Hyderabad Escorts
Hyderabad Escorts
Hyderabad Escorts

 

Post a Comment

<< Home